I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
