is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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