Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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