Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
