At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
