Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
