i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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