Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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