Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
