OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
