All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
