so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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