don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
