I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
