dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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