I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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