The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
