My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
