It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
