she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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