In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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