Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
