also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
