Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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