I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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