Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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