The maid of honor just puked.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
