look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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