listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
