I hope mine doesn't look like that
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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