just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
