standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
