We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
