what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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