Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
