it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
