Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
