Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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