Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
