grandma shit on top of the toilet
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
