If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
