considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
