I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
