Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
