I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
