the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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