i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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