I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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