any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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