I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
