yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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