i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
