I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
