The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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