i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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