okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
