I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
