Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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