I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
