Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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